I love physical touch, it is one of my love languages. I "know" you care about me when you touch me and let me touch you. This is not just a lovers thing either, any close enough friends are someone I would love to be touched by. Arms around a shoulder, hugs on meeting (or just because), rest your head on my shoulder or chest, lean on me, sprawl over me... Anything. But, I have trauma in my past. A man took touch from me without my permission, and twisted it into imprisonment and coercion to further violence. So to keep myself safe, I need to hold people away until I know them well enough. Till I can feel their touch and not his. I know I deserve to feel safe, and my feelings for my safety are valid. But... I have really low self-esteem. I don't actually believe what I know all the time. I value another's desire as more important than my needs. If someone I consider friends enough to, for instance, friend on social media like here on FetLife, I have a hard