This is truly a ridiculous post, but something just hit me when I saw this commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8wA5gGv-fE
This commercial, if you don't choose to watch it, is an Audi car commercial. Now most people who know me know that I hate car commercials generally, despise luxury car commercials and know that there is a particular level of hell reserved for those who write holiday-season, luxury-car commercials in particular. I feel that that level in hell is too good a place for them to spend their eternity.
All that said, however, this commercial in particular truly strikes me as awesome, and inspiring.
I say this, because it really spreads a good and empowering feminist message that doesn't take away from anyone else. The woman who is the focus of the ad is a strong, smart and capable person who decides that as good as her life is (with respect and accolades coming from her current job) she should take her chances, invest in herself with confidence, and strike out on her own as the ultimate expression of her power. As she travels out of the office and to her rendezvous with her Audi she meets envy, approval and accolades for her action. She is being recognized for how awesome she is, and rightly so from all that we are shown about her in the commercial. I think she is a great role-model for anyone, no matter gender, to look up to.
What does this have to do with being Transgender? Well, maybe nothing at all, generally. But it has resonance with me, because of my specific path.
I have always had a strange almost non-connection with feminism. I have felt that 'since I am a man' it was not for me to be part of the discussion. I know some feminists believe it is for everyone, and for equality, but in truth it is for and about women gaining their deserved equality. It cares not for male issues, and it should not. I do not believe it is against men in any way, it just does not concern itself with them. I have always supported feminism (and equality for all in any dimension) but I have never included myself as part of it.
But... even if I didn't acknowledge it, I was a woman all this time before my transition. And I think it is this that made feminism resonate with me so strongly despite it not being 'for me'. The biggest stumbling block I had with including myself as a feminist was that so often things I saw in feminist media was so anti-male, as if for some their only identity was in opposition to masculinity. And there I was, trying hard to pretend I was male acceptably enough for society, while still not liking the trappings of patriarchy, and reaping some of the benefits of male privilege but feeling attacked despite my feeling that I was an ally and supporter of feminism.
My relation to privilege should be a different post, and I shall do that at a later date, it is only ancillary to this discussion.
But anyway, back to the main point. Even as someone supportive of feminism, I am critical of specifically commercials, but really any media, that is critical of men as the main point of that feminism. (Not all feminism!) It is unnecessary, and this commercial in particular illustrates that. We can lift up women and show how valuable they can be in a fully positive way!
And even still, despite embracing my true gender, I continue to struggle with feminism. Now I struggle because I have a hard time validating my femininity, because the intersection of trans and woman is a difficult fit. I agree with and support the fact that there is no one way to be a woman; what you wear and what you do doesn't make a woman any more or less of a woman. But, because of society, if I don't get read as a woman well enough by certain people I face discrimination, hate, possible violence and maybe even risk death. If I don't express enough gender markers for femininity, I am a man in a dress; if I express too many I am a parody of femininity and offensive. I have to constantly be walking a tightrope if I ever wish to fit in to any of the spaces I wish to inhabit. This tightrope makes it really hard to assert that I am equal to cisgender women, and allow myself to feel valid in women's spaces. I often feel less than other women.
Overlaid on all of that, is the constant stress of dysphoria. I need to assert my femininity to ease my dysphoria to a point where I can function in my day to day; but, it paradoxically hurts me to do so because of my inherent feminism and my desire for all women to not be judged for or restricted from all the things they want to do and how they want to present themselves within our shared gender. Clothes don't make us women, they only allow others to perceive our womanhood; our activities or choice in job doesn't invalidate our womanhood, it only describes to others what we value in the world. For me, like many trans folk I think, having to navigate these conflicting desires is just another stressor on our already heavily stressed lives. (yes, trans men have to deal with this too, and non-binary folk might have it worst of all as they have more things to try to keep in balance!)
I like many things traditionally male gendered. They should not be gendered so, but they are. I am a geek, and I like rpg's and outdoors activities (camping, hiking), just like many women, and that's as wonderful as it should be. But being steeped in our transphobic and misogynist culture makes it hard to internalize that I can like these things and still be a woman. I fear, for me at least, there is a small vein of misogyny in many of the things I do, or feel, or present in trying to assert my femininity. It is likely internalized from the society I have grown up in, and was reinforced by my need to be accepted as the gender I was assigned at birth for comfort and safety until the time I couldn't handle it anymore and had to transition to assert my true self. I am constantly watching for this internalized misogyny, and chiding myself when I find I am not living up to my best self, but my need to be seen as a woman makes it hard.
And really, I don't blame people for misgendering me in public as our society requires there to be some overt gendering from others during every social interaction. 'Politeness' requires a sir or ma'am, bathrooms are (rediculously) communal and 'privacy' requires gender separation, "ladies first", etc. are all things that people are required to enforce through overt gendering. I don't blame the people swept up in this, I blame the society that can't allow people to just recognize other people as people and equals regardless of gender. A world without mandatory gender would be easier to navigate as trans, but do not be fooled that it would invalidate transness... we will always have gender, even if it is not required to be expressly presented or recognized. Gender is a dimension of a person, and is valid, but it comes from within and exists without the need for society to demand it to be overt.
I don't know, an Audi commercial is a strange springboard for a discussion of this type, but I welcome it. What do you think? Am I wrong in some particular, or do you take issue in what I have observed?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8wA5gGv-fE
This commercial, if you don't choose to watch it, is an Audi car commercial. Now most people who know me know that I hate car commercials generally, despise luxury car commercials and know that there is a particular level of hell reserved for those who write holiday-season, luxury-car commercials in particular. I feel that that level in hell is too good a place for them to spend their eternity.
All that said, however, this commercial in particular truly strikes me as awesome, and inspiring.
I say this, because it really spreads a good and empowering feminist message that doesn't take away from anyone else. The woman who is the focus of the ad is a strong, smart and capable person who decides that as good as her life is (with respect and accolades coming from her current job) she should take her chances, invest in herself with confidence, and strike out on her own as the ultimate expression of her power. As she travels out of the office and to her rendezvous with her Audi she meets envy, approval and accolades for her action. She is being recognized for how awesome she is, and rightly so from all that we are shown about her in the commercial. I think she is a great role-model for anyone, no matter gender, to look up to.
What does this have to do with being Transgender? Well, maybe nothing at all, generally. But it has resonance with me, because of my specific path.
I have always had a strange almost non-connection with feminism. I have felt that 'since I am a man' it was not for me to be part of the discussion. I know some feminists believe it is for everyone, and for equality, but in truth it is for and about women gaining their deserved equality. It cares not for male issues, and it should not. I do not believe it is against men in any way, it just does not concern itself with them. I have always supported feminism (and equality for all in any dimension) but I have never included myself as part of it.
But... even if I didn't acknowledge it, I was a woman all this time before my transition. And I think it is this that made feminism resonate with me so strongly despite it not being 'for me'. The biggest stumbling block I had with including myself as a feminist was that so often things I saw in feminist media was so anti-male, as if for some their only identity was in opposition to masculinity. And there I was, trying hard to pretend I was male acceptably enough for society, while still not liking the trappings of patriarchy, and reaping some of the benefits of male privilege but feeling attacked despite my feeling that I was an ally and supporter of feminism.
My relation to privilege should be a different post, and I shall do that at a later date, it is only ancillary to this discussion.
But anyway, back to the main point. Even as someone supportive of feminism, I am critical of specifically commercials, but really any media, that is critical of men as the main point of that feminism. (Not all feminism!) It is unnecessary, and this commercial in particular illustrates that. We can lift up women and show how valuable they can be in a fully positive way!
And even still, despite embracing my true gender, I continue to struggle with feminism. Now I struggle because I have a hard time validating my femininity, because the intersection of trans and woman is a difficult fit. I agree with and support the fact that there is no one way to be a woman; what you wear and what you do doesn't make a woman any more or less of a woman. But, because of society, if I don't get read as a woman well enough by certain people I face discrimination, hate, possible violence and maybe even risk death. If I don't express enough gender markers for femininity, I am a man in a dress; if I express too many I am a parody of femininity and offensive. I have to constantly be walking a tightrope if I ever wish to fit in to any of the spaces I wish to inhabit. This tightrope makes it really hard to assert that I am equal to cisgender women, and allow myself to feel valid in women's spaces. I often feel less than other women.
Overlaid on all of that, is the constant stress of dysphoria. I need to assert my femininity to ease my dysphoria to a point where I can function in my day to day; but, it paradoxically hurts me to do so because of my inherent feminism and my desire for all women to not be judged for or restricted from all the things they want to do and how they want to present themselves within our shared gender. Clothes don't make us women, they only allow others to perceive our womanhood; our activities or choice in job doesn't invalidate our womanhood, it only describes to others what we value in the world. For me, like many trans folk I think, having to navigate these conflicting desires is just another stressor on our already heavily stressed lives. (yes, trans men have to deal with this too, and non-binary folk might have it worst of all as they have more things to try to keep in balance!)
I like many things traditionally male gendered. They should not be gendered so, but they are. I am a geek, and I like rpg's and outdoors activities (camping, hiking), just like many women, and that's as wonderful as it should be. But being steeped in our transphobic and misogynist culture makes it hard to internalize that I can like these things and still be a woman. I fear, for me at least, there is a small vein of misogyny in many of the things I do, or feel, or present in trying to assert my femininity. It is likely internalized from the society I have grown up in, and was reinforced by my need to be accepted as the gender I was assigned at birth for comfort and safety until the time I couldn't handle it anymore and had to transition to assert my true self. I am constantly watching for this internalized misogyny, and chiding myself when I find I am not living up to my best self, but my need to be seen as a woman makes it hard.
And really, I don't blame people for misgendering me in public as our society requires there to be some overt gendering from others during every social interaction. 'Politeness' requires a sir or ma'am, bathrooms are (rediculously) communal and 'privacy' requires gender separation, "ladies first", etc. are all things that people are required to enforce through overt gendering. I don't blame the people swept up in this, I blame the society that can't allow people to just recognize other people as people and equals regardless of gender. A world without mandatory gender would be easier to navigate as trans, but do not be fooled that it would invalidate transness... we will always have gender, even if it is not required to be expressly presented or recognized. Gender is a dimension of a person, and is valid, but it comes from within and exists without the need for society to demand it to be overt.
I don't know, an Audi commercial is a strange springboard for a discussion of this type, but I welcome it. What do you think? Am I wrong in some particular, or do you take issue in what I have observed?
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